How to let Go of your So

We humans are funny little beings.

We hold onto certain ideas as if we're
dangling over a cliff.

And we won't let go . . . as if we'll fall
into a chasm.

Can you relate, my friend?

Just think of an area of your life you feel
stuck in.

Is it a relationship issue?

A financial one?

Something related to getting ahead?

Being more happy?

More balanced?

More successful?

More comfortable in your own skin?

     What's holding you back?

Doesn't it all boil down to some simple
decision that you know you need to make
. . . ?

Some simple, "Yes, I can do this," for
instance?

Or some simple, "No. I've had enough of
that?"

And by making that simple decision, you
actually create a defining moment in your
life?

Let me give you an example of what I mean.

An extraordinary moment in history:

When Jimmy Carter got lifelong blood
enemies Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and
Israeli Prime Minister Menachim Begin to
shake hands.

Remember that?

To declare their intention for peace?

To sign an agreement that they'd be good
neighbors?

Sheesh!

If you've ever been to the Carter Library in
Atlanta and seen the incredible back-and-
forth negotiations Carter had to make between
the two Middle Eastern leaders who he
practically had to lock up in Camp David
until they'd be good boys, you'd think he was
dealing with a couple of school kids!

Now, though of course we know it was much
more complicated than that, and that Anwar
Sadat would eventually be assassinated by one
of his own citizens for making that little
hand shake, what struck me in that
extraordinary televised moment all the way
back in 1978 that I've never forgotten, was
the following thought:

     "You mean, that's all it took?"

All these wars . . .

All this bloodshed . . .

All this human suffering  . . .

All these two great men had to do all along
was to . . . shake hands?

It all could have been over just like that?

Isn't that what it all came down to?

Them, and their countries, making a simple
decision?

Deciding upon a simple, "Yes, we can do
that." And "No, we don't need this war-thingy
any more?"

What about you, my friend?

What wars are you fighting?

What simple decision are you needing to make?

What do you need to let go of?

What will life be like when you do?

Would you be willing to let go of whatever
your reasons are for holding on to whatever
you're holding on to?

Could you let go of them?

When?

Yours for the greatest wealth,
Michael

   ****   I'm not done with this theme yet.
          It's a biggy. And you probably want
          to know what I mean by "How to Let
          Go of your So."

          To explain that, in
          the next week I will share with you a
          very personal story about a small
          personal war I was fighting up
          until this weekend. How I was
          holding onto something that you
          probably can relate to holding onto
          yourself. And how hilarious it
          was once I (screaming and kicking)
          let go. 

          Let Go of my So.

          Meanwhile, go to the Comment Box
          below and share your own story of
          something you have in the past, or
          need now to let go of.

          Something that is as simple as
          saying "Yes I can do this" and "No
          I won't take that anymore."

          Inspire me and thousands of other
          Wealthy Souls with your brave step
          today.

          And while you're at it, share what
          you think I mean by "How to Let Go
          of Your So."

          There's a valuable prize if you are
          the first person to correctly guess
          what this means. But you also have
          to share a story that illustrates
          the point so we all feel inspired
          to follow suit and, "Let Go of our
          own So."

          Share your story now, win a great
          prize, and inspire us all with your
          words in the Comment Box below:

Comments

[Michelle]

Wonderful article. I have many things I need to let "go" of in order to move forward. I know part of what is holding me back is the perceived comfort and safety staying in what I know, even if it is unpleasant.

[Sandy]

This was a great article and really got me to thinking about all the "stuff" I'm hanging on to and can't let go of and why? For what reason am I hanging on to this stuff...yes, that's all it is...just stuff! It's sucking the life right out of me and maybe this is what your "so" is too. Anyway, I hope you'll have some inspiring message to motivate me to start clearing out the clutter in my life. I will be forever grateful!
{{{hugs}}},
Sandy

[Richard G Mynett]

I have now for several years listen to the negitivity of my wife and it has been pointed at me for the last 13 years.

With my 9 year old son now getting the same negitivity pointed at him I finally gave up my so, that is my marriage. I have helped my wife with her engilsh, getting work, getting her citizenship, and bank account. Ya I remember when the banks would not let her have an account becouse she was a foregin National. Now she is a citizen with a good control of bank account with a good supervisor positon. Now it is time for me to let go. I have held onto family life with great sacrface. Everyone of her friends thing poorly of me and that I am no good. It is time for me to give up my so and start anew life with my son. I am letting go of that which I never had. A wonam walking beside me working together to have a better life for all of us.Good by wife,
Hello next woman fo my dreams.
Life begins anew!

[Patty]

I am a 46 year old woman who 8 yrs ago had a TBI. I know that many people don't know what this means,it is a traumatic brain injury. I was driving on a sunny summer Sunday morning when a semi turned in front of me on the highway. I don't remember hitting him but I was going 70 mph. The driver who was a young man who never saw me and just made his turn never realizing that he was changing a womans life! I don't blame him because driving a vehicle like that is a big deal! Also he was a new driver and young!
I was taken to Marshfield hosptial in Wisconsin and was put in the emergency area! I was in a coma for 2 wks and when I woke I just couldn't understand what I was doing there! Over some days I realized where I was but I was very confused and continued to be for a very long time. I know this is such along story, wish I could make it shorter!
My biggest problem has been me, my self image! I let everyone think I was just fine but I was dying inside! I was dizzy upon standing and had problems knowing what a fork and knife were. I was nervous in the shower just putting my head back to wash my hair,I felt so unsteady! But I did it and I handled it. I am so thankful that I am here but my life has been very difficult and will always be difficult! I am self conscious but others don't know this because I was too proud to let others see my problems! I am almost the opposite of the boy who cried wolf,I wouldn't let others see the real me but now that my mind is more rational I want others to know my problems and know that I want to relate to people. I feel though that I am too late. I am realizing now that I couldn't and I can't make others know what I went through or are going through right now. I just have to continue to be strong and realize that I have survived and I will continue to survive! I have friends and family who are here for me even though I have lost many friends maybe because they were somewhat frightened too! I want be in this world and continue to enjoy my 2 children and my extended family! I will live on and of course our lord will continue to help me as he or she? has helped in the last 8 yrs!

I have been holding on to my inner self conscious that was telling me I couldn't make it even though I pretended that I could! I do know that I can make it and I will continue to survive! We all can let go of what is bothering us or holding us back,we need to believe in ourselves! Having friends and family to help us through it makes this life that much more worth it! Thanks for listening to me!

[Ilse Kleinman]

I have been very depressed since my husband died. Although it has been 12years, I am very lonely and the only way I can cure this, is to get out more and I have not been able to do this. My children took my car away and that makes it even more difficult. I have decided that I must walk more and I will try to do that.

[Karen]

This article had me thinking about things I hold on to as well. I think that often we hold onto those things because they are familiar and we are afraid of what will happen if we let them go. I have been divorced almost 8 years now. In the beginning I felt I didn't want the divorce to happen, but looking back now I know that for myself it was the best thing that ever happened. I have learned so much more about myself and what I'm capable of. I still have much more to learn. I have found this statement to be true for me that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. Sometimes the lessons are subtle and other times they are harder to get through. I think that possibly what the article is talking about letting go of our so, are our excuses or reasons for not letting go and if we look at the reasons in a different way it might help us to see that it is ok to let go. We all have the ability to make our lives whatever we want it to be. It takes effort and a desire for things to be different and better than what we are currently living with. We are all magnetic and what we think about and feel whether it is a good or bad thing we will attract more of it into our lives. So by changing the way we think we can change our lives. I look foward to learning more and not being so afraid to let go of the things I need to let go of.

[Theresa Terrell]

Not working, house in foreclure and on disability. Fighting to live day by day. Good thing that I have a family that can keep me for throw in towel.

[Fred]

Great article Michael.

"Mining the moment for something that feels good, something to appreciate, something to savor, something to take in, that's what your moments are about. They're not about justifying your existence. It's justified. You exist. It's not about proving your worthiness. It's done. You're worthy. It's not about achieving success. You never get it done. It's about "How much can this moment deliver to me?" And some of you like them fast, some of you like them slow. No one's taking score. You get to choose. The only measurement is between my desire and my allowing. And your emotions tell you everything about that."

God Bless,
Fred

www.myinfinitereality.com

[Diana L Cranford-Wells]

"let go of your so" is our habits, good and bad. Habits control our days; wake-up time, eat time, working time,family time,paybill time,relax time, go to bed time. One of the hardest experiences I had was to ask myself, "what do you like to do"?
I had to work at giving myself permission to think about me. I had forgotten what I liked; is it singing a song even tho I am no American Idol; coloring in a colorbook; shopping for a gift for me when I am more generous to others than myself? It was exciting once I allowed myself the task of offering something to myself! The problem is it is easy to forget the task and slip right back into my same same daily habits because so much is being demanded of me and I trust only me! How I wish I had two of me, one to get the tasks done and one to appreciate me and offer me a flower or a hug once in awhile. I am my own best friend but I'm really really hard on myself and that is the "so" that I need to let go of.

[Jeannette]

My "so" is my father's voice... It's my father telling me, all my life, "you are too fat", "you're not worth anything", "why can't you ever get A's in school?", "stop this", "do that"... etc. My father shattered any self-esteem I may have had when I was born, and suppressed and destroyed any strength in me with his verbal abuse. At the age of 30, I was afraid of doing anything because of low self-esteem, and because of this voice in my head telling me I am not worth it.
My father died of cancer a few years ago, and I was there; I told him that I forgave him. And that released me from his slavery. I am now a doctor, and I pride myself in helping mothers and children. I am also a mother of 4 children, and I make sure I tell them every day how much I love them and how precious they are to me. I still struggle with my "so" every now and then, but I remember that I am a child of God too, and I am as loved as anyone else in the world. And that gives me wings.

[Pat Wilson]

I am a little bit of everyone who posted above, and that is what "So" is. It is a composite, I am a composite of who raised me, the husband that choose not to nurture me, the kids that are to busy to help,.....the....the...

So what is the big deal?

I am a composite of my community. I am influenced by weather that is not of my choosing, prices that are beyond my means.........

So what is the big deal?

I have gotten old, so has everyone else.....

So what is the big deal?

I am heavy, so is over 70% of the population of the US.....

So what is the big deal?

I am disabled with a bad back, over half the US suffer from back injuries and pain.....

So what is the big deal?

I am broke, so is the community around me, and those who have money just owe more than I do....

So what is the big deal?

I am divorced, so is over half the country....

So what is the big deal?

SO.........WHAT!

My character is defined by how I have handled the bad times not the good.

I have learned to love myself fat, the biggest trial of all has been to realize I am who God created me to be, he loves me, and hence I need to love myself.

I am not old, I am like a fine wine, just getting into my prime. A true antique, a valuable commodity, something to behold.

I am not dead, I am alive, so what if I walk slower, can't bend to pick up a pencil or tie a shoe!

Financially, I have so much abundance I can share what I have, if I have two coats, i would rather give one away than hoard it, if I have food, I will share it rather than let it grow dusty.
I am prepared for the coming bad times, and would not trade my broke times, after all God has promised me that the poor shall become rich, and I believe him. It is the spirit of the knowledge knowing that God in fact did feed me when I was hungry, got the electricity back on, and if it doesn't come back, that is really okay, because I know what to do.

Divorced, that does not mean I am a failure, it means I was wise enough to know when to fold, rather much like poker. I am not worse for my mistakes, but learned from them. And most important I will not make the same ones over again. There is all this space for new mistakes.

Humpty Dumpty had a fall, they tried to put him back. but the glue did not stick. Like an egg. It could just rot, but instead, I have peeled off the old egg shells and dusted off the dirt and made egg salad.

So what is the big deal? are we going to let a few bumps in the road ruin the journey?

Bless you for giving us this space to vent, respectfully pat

[Sarah]

The enormous amount of energy we expend in not being our true selves, the masks we wear to appear as someone we are not, the words we speak that are not aligned with our souls - all these things we hide behind as though afraid to live and love fully.

To me the "So" are the voices inside that say "So I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, popular enough" etc. And it's the "So" that minimizes us in our own minds. It's the voice of "I can't."

Just a few minutes ago I saw a bumper stick that said, "Change the way you see, not the way you look." It caught my attention but I didn't realize that within 30 minutes I'd be writing about it. The bumper sticker reminded me that it is only a matter of changing our perspective in any situation to gain fresh insight that can fuel positive change in our lives and in the lives of our families and friends.

My own story is about leaving a marriage after 23 years. I was a stay-at-home mom with 2 children. I loved my home and family, but a change was needed. Without the details, what I personally confronted was a lack of self-esteem that others would never guess. I hid it sooo well. I had never had to support myself. I had been sooo financially secure and now there was sooo much uncertainty. I was alone and sooo scared and somehow also, sooo sure I was making the right choices. After about 5 years, I'm still finding my way. Now sooo much is unfolding - three new and exciting self-employed business opportunities have landed in my lap - simultaneaously- and I'm wanting to do them all.

In each day I tried to take one step forward. Of course, there were days when I fell back a step or two, and days when I physically don't feel sooo well, but somehow, from somewhere, that little voice inside steadfastly nudged me and whispered in my ear, "So you can be on your own; So you can support yourself financially - and love what you're doing. So you can experience confidence within, the same confidence those around you see in you. So you can share what you've learned with others perhaps making a small difference in their lives. So you can speak words aligned with your soul.

So... like the bumper sticker reminds us, when we change the way we see, we open doors, perhaps only a crack at first, but enough to let new light in. Then we can see Sooo much better and be Sooo much more.

[ELIZABETH]

wHAT A GREAT TREAT IT IS TO GET YOUR E MAILS. I AM 85 JUST LEARNING THE COMMPUTER AND LOVE ALL THE COMMPUTER FREINDS.MY GRANDCHILDREN ASK WHY ARE ALL YOUR STORIES SAD TO DAY I WILL TRY TO MAKE ALL MY STORIES HAPPY AND LOVING. KEEP UP YOUR GREAT WORK ELIZABETH

[Kat]

Letting go of your so---
It is humorous how we sweat the small stuff, fear of losing the stuff we have acquired, the opinions others have for us, the regrets that should be realized lessons, the children we have raised that have their own productive lives which was our goal to begin with, the failed relationships that we allow to bring our self esteem down, and the list goes on.
I have had Cancer and 4 surgeries to follow which caused more health problems. I survived it all mostly by myself, I am a survivor and have let that SO go.
I have let it all of them go. The latest so was my responsiblity to my parents. I left an excellent career to help take care of them which I do not regret. But Cancer took my father and practically bankrupted me. I have let that SO go as well because in doing so I come to realize my mother's true personality and ability to manipulate people. In her greed and favoritism she has alienated four of the five children she had for one. I have let that SO go as well. We all choose. These things have brought me to a point of freedom.
SO freedom, freedom to do what is in my heart and my inspiration of where I want to be in MY life. The stuff can go, it is only stuff, I can forgive the husband that became an addict and an alcoholic and didnt want to change. I can forgive the second relationship where he could not be faithful because these things are their SO-S not mine. These life lessons gave me the freedom to let go of SO. SO I intend to live my life with passion and intention to do the things I have always wanted. I AM FREE TO BE THE PERSON I HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN I WAS. Honest, caring, creative, humorous individual with great integrity. Those SO-s I will hang on to and away I go into life for me and I intend to be a help to those in need and hopefully an inspiration to those who are going through where I have been. We all have our SO-s and choices. Which do you want yours or theirs?
Great article, very inspirational.

[Joyful]

What wars am I fighting?
Debt - credit card & student loan
Marriage - turned 40 and feeling trapped, bored and stuck in it for kids sake. This brings up many issues on many levels.

What decision do I have to make?
To not play the victim and to not give up trying

What do I need to let go of?
Fear, Self Doubt and Guilt, and the belief that he won't cope emotionally without me

What will life be like when I do?
I will move forward and the universe will guide me through the process. I will be freer on many levels and have more energy therefore feeling lighter.

Would you be willing to let go of whatever your reasons are for holding on to whatever
you're holding on to?

I'm sure gonna try but I feel its a process which takes a bit of time too.

[Virginia]

I have no idea what 'so' is.
But that's okay - I don't have to know everything.

What are my wars?
Hating myself. Waiting for other people to find out who I REALLY am and hate me too. Never good enough. Just barely hanging on.

Jealousy. Bitterness. Anger.

People think I am so serene. Raising an autistic child has taught me a great deal about patience. Having it. Forgiving myself after I don't have it.

Relationships. Wanting one. Feeling fat, old, ugly. Living in fantasy because I fear there will never be a great relationship for me. Using a lot of batteries!

Money. Feeling so broke, overdrawn again, and really scared. What if I can't work this out? What if, no matter how much I work at it, study. release, reprogram, I NEVER make it financially? What then?

What if I always feel this crappy, everyone around me learns the lessons and moves on, but I just fail and fail some more? What if I am stuck in this and there is no way out for me? What if I let everybody down?

Am I willing to let go of this?
OH HELL YES!!!
Just show me how!

Gin.

[Anita Burciage]

I was remembering of all of the ways I have pursued life and answers and mostly where I get stuck,and when stuck I become paralyzed,so I write poems. This one particular poem sums it up for me. Titled "WANDERING"
I see a wandering path not knowing where it leads,enticing me to follow and off the road I go,beneath the sanctuary of the forest and beautiful trees that shelter me,from the heat of Mr Sun.
Temppt me more,until I know the roads that vanish and where they lead. I must pursue, I need to know where it leads. Deeper into forest it is so dark,I cannot see. Mr sun is hiding upset with me that I follow ways that vanish and leading where? I feel lost following this trails and yet I know not of trodden paths that lead nowhere,except away and far from Mr Sun.
Life appears to be full of all good paths leading to the prize. What is the prize? I must know! Should I go back?,tears of sadness fill my eyes,a strong need fills my heart,to find the smallest of joys life could afford,to satisfy my wanting,to kill the pain of not knowing. To embracelife as if there were no tomorrows. The day may be dark and dreary but I know the sun will shine bright despite how grey the day appears. No more goodbyes only happy hello's and on and on I go. Even if it takes a lifetime and many challenges ahead.Pain experience has opened up appreciation of life and so on and on I go and if it is only at the end SO WHAT1

[Beautiful]

Great posts everyone - thank you for sharing. To me So.. is what we use as an "excuse" to be as we are, to hold onto to stuff, to justify blame and judgement. I suppose the equivalent to ...this happened to me So I (am / can act) this way...

Letting go of the So means letting go of the excuse, the justification, the reason why. Taking personal responsibility for who we are and how we are, instead of what everyone else has made us. Scary, challenging and exciting - we create our own reality.

[Jean F. Hegney]

the articles posted on 2-=08 (2 of them, one at 4 something and the other at 5 something) were good and I felt them both.
I asked "U" about my feelings & my father killing my mother! For some unknown reason, cannot lose it?! This is what phone call was to be about?!

[Kate]

I love this article! The "war" I'm fighting is really the last one from a long list of them because of my biological father - he instilled in me that no one wanted to hear what I had to say, it wasn't worth anything; no one wanted what I had to offer. This has been the hardest one to overcome - him being right is my "so".

Because of what he said to me I've always been afraid to approach or deal with anyone I considered an 'authority' figure. Being an author and a business-owner this has kept me from being anything near successful. I avoid any kind of situation where I have to put myself 'out there', that way I won't be rejected or scoffed at, laughed at, etc. I avoid this kind of situation SO he's not proven right.

Well, this is a revelation! I guess my real fight is getting over whether or not he is right. I'm not really afraid of 'authority' figures or 'selling' my abilities - I'm really afraid he'll be proven right. and WHO CARES! It's been 37 years since I last saw him - I guess it's time I simply prove him wrong! Thank you Michael, I never realized this until writing this post. Wow!
Love and Light,
Kate

[Trish]

So?
So What?
Sew buttons.
Sew Buttons?
Yep.
Sew Buttons on your underwear. That's right. Sew, or is it sow?

To let go of the so, is to never look back. It is to take a leap of independence and faith so far from the mainstream that the very idea of it makes us frozen with fear.
Maybe it's an abusive marriage.
Maybe it's reaching for a new career.
Maybe it's a change of religon.
Maybe it's the loss of a loved one (or several).
For each one of us that "so" varies greatly, but ironically enough, it is identical. The love you take is equal to the love you make...
For ever reaction there is an equal and opposite reaction....
Call it what you will.
The SO, SEW, or SOW, is claiming what is rightfully our own, and in claiming it we also acknowledge that we willingly and knowingly pay the price for whatever it is we SOW.

[KK]

I have been physically and mentally abused by my husband & mentally abused by his parents. He used to call me a prostitute…. because I used to make the first move where sexual advances were concerned. He used to tell me to go & stand on the street & I would find someone to satisfy me. I never was in so much of a want of sex as I was in want of closeness & intimacy. I never got any sexual satisfaction from him and for the want of it or rather to spite him I started sleeping around with men (yuck….i think now)…… I slept with my company’s MD, and then with a restaurant owner & then with a web friend, & then with an astrologer (who was supposedly very religious…ha ha), with a bus driver (that’s how low I went down to). I became a slut & didn’t realize whether I was happy doing it, whether I was being satisfied physically or whether I was so badly hurt by him…..the person whom I loved the most. I have 2 lovely children & moved to another city & begged him to move with us (as I wanted to get out of that atmosphere)….but he never left his parents home. After 5 years of living with my parents, today he wants to move back into our family & says that he is sorry & will not repeat his mistakes. I love him so much & v have spent some happy times together & I had never thought of a life without him. Inspite of being close to so many of my boyfriends, I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved him (19 years of marriage). He wants 1 more chance & the whole family is pressurizing me to go back…..& I want to. But I wont. I cant let my love hurt me anymore. The SO for me in this statement is SO WHAT IF I LOVE HIM. SO WHAT IF I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT HIM. SO WHAT IF I NEED HIM. SO WHAT IF I AM AFRAID TO LIVE ALONE. SO WHAT IF I WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM AGAIN AS I LOVE HIM MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY. SO WHAT IF HE ALSO LOVES ME SO MUCH. SO WHAT IF HIS WAYS TO EXPRESS ARE DIFFERENT. SO WHAT IF HE HAS NEVER SLEPT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN HIS LIFE.
My hurt is bigger than my love. I want to ask you all …….. is it ok for a couple who love each other so much to go in for a divorce. SO WHAT IF THE KIDS ARE AT STAKE.
SO WHAT SHALL I DO? SO WHAT IF I AM CONFUSED.

I have been dating a much younger man for almost a year. Half the time he is wonderful, full of light, sweet, funny, and loving. Half the time he is very very mean and degrading, bossing me around and telling me he doesn't care how I feel. It tears me up each time he goes into the mean persona. When he is sweet, I get sucked back in, and I love him so it is easy for him to reel me back in. I don't think he can help it, but nevertheless, I have put up with this for long enough. It is very hard for me to let go of him, we have become best friends and I will miss him terribly. But I need to let him go and let myself once more be the person I respect and love. Thanks for listening.

[Jack Brice]

I was 12. I wasn't cool. I was fat. So I started to smoke. Now I could be with the big boys. High school came and now I could hang out on the corner. James Dean looked so cool with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth so I learned to do cool tricks with the cigarette and the smoke and the lighter. I fit in. Habits continue and 40 or so years later, mine had grown to two packs a day. I now had an inhaler for the asthma. I couldn't run much any more and my four year old started sucking on sticks. So It was time. I woke up at 4 in the morning and wrote page after page of why I should quit. I convinced myself. I stopped and 4 years later I can walk up stairs without having to take a breather at the top. And my 8 yr old, doesn't suck sticks.

Get ready so you can get rid of your so. Thanks for your time.

[Jen]

I need to let go of my fear of abandonment. It keeps me living in fear and trapped. I'm so afraid to be myself and ask for what I need, because I fear being rejected. Yeah - it all goes back to childhood trauma. Seems so simple, yet it's not.
To let go of this fear would mean I accept who I am and what I need. That I believe who I am is enough and that what I need is important. I don't value myself and therefore don't believe anyone would want to be with me if they really knew me.
Thank you for giving me the forum to put this in writing.

[Barb N]

The "So" in our lives stops us in our tracks, more certainly than if our feet were glued in cement. Limits us. Holds us back. Becomes our crutch.

Whether it stems from fear of the known or unknown, the So serves no good purpose as it gains a foothold in our psyche to slowly chisel away our true souls. It festers and boils and prevents us from being all we can be.

The So I face right now is a tragic loss of my brother. Not physically, but simply because I refused to borrow a large amount of money to give to him when he requested it. For that misdeed (in his eyes) he hasn't spoken with me for nearly two years. The loss of having him in my life eats at me daily, and it is time to drive 3 hours to knock on his door and start a conversation.

Maybe fences can't be mended, but I will never know until I try. So what if he rejects me? I will cry, I will drive home sad. But what if he has been waiting, too, for something to help mend the wound? Ahhhh! Then the So will be embraced, cherished, and welcomed with open arms.

Change your "So what's" into "What if's". Chances are it will put a smile on your face.

[GLORIA]

TO ME THE HOW TO LET GO OF YOUR SO, IS SIMPLY LETTING GO OF ALL FALSE HOPES AND DESIRE AND ALLOWING GOD TO DIRECT YOU IN THE MIST BEING LEAD BY YOUR HEART OF TRUTH. ONCE LETTING GO OF YOUR OWN FALSE HOPES AND DESIRES YOUR OPENING YOUR HEART TO THE TRUTH, WHICH IN THE END WILL LEAD YOU DOWN THE RIGHT PATH OF REWARD AND GREATNESS OF WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS HERE ON EARTH. IT IS NOT WHAT YOU GAIN OR COLLECT BUT WHAT YOU REFLECT TO OTHERS IN YOUR ACTIONS WHICH IS THE GIFT TO THE WORLD THAT IS WHAT SHOULD BE YOUR TRUE JOY. I MYSELF LIVED THROUGH THE DEATH OF MY SPOUSE AND A SECOND MARRIAGE WHICH TURNED INTO DIVORCE AS WELL AS A VERY CLOSE DEATH EXPERIENCE AT 28 BUT I CAN TRULY SAY THAT I LIVED THROUGH IT ALL AND GAINED A TRUE UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU CAN NOT HOLD ONTO ANYTHING IN LIFE BUT TO BE TRUE AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND REFLECT THAT TO PEOPLE AROUND YOU SO THEY CAN WALK IN THE TRUTH WHICH IS ALWAYS THE BEST PATH. IN CLOSING, YOU NEED TO ALWAYS REMAIN TRUE TO YOURSELF SO THEREFORE YOU CAN REMAIN FREE TO BE WHO GOD INTENDED YOU TO BE.

[billy]

hi micheal i think u great ihave ur books and email , i have been stuck emotions keep info comeing

[Katharine]

SO is the inevitable tie thinking that results from definitions. This and that and such and such, SO - this and that and such and such. I'm this and that (and it can only mean) SO I'm never going to get out of this same mode that I've always been in.

Take out the SO and then your free thoughts and your free self are allowed to come right in!

Peace!

[Bill Gross]

For me personally, the "so" was about whether to keep a place (condo) I am now selling or move out. My financial situation has been tight. We are having an unplanned child, a second girl. I planned to own my place permanently, but learned in Nov 07 that maintenance fee would skyrocket. Looked into why and learned there were accounting irregularities and cash reserve was way low. Nobody would admit anything. My "so" until Jan 08 was "I need to live here -- so I can own, so I don't dive into uncertainty, so I don't do something scary or over my head... Then spoke with wife after New Year and went down to buy newspaper. It was Saturday and we just visited first place we called, a home high in the valley. They offered to rent it to us -- we looked at each other and took it just like that. I felt trauma and excitement as I was uncertain if I would sell my place, which I have to(!) At this moment, we are totally moved into new place, are LOVING it as my 2-year old can wear her mommy's high heals and clop around without a neighbor below to hit her ceiling below us with a broom. As for selling, I have a buyer who is serious and just one step away from closing... We would gain enough equity to pay off all credit cards and our living expense (not including credit expense) would decrease by $250 per month, enabling us to pay for quality child care as we both work (before I did not know how we would manage it). NOW, I am persuading my wife that we will live totally on cash, not credit, when this is over. Compared to two months ago we are both feeling much calmer about our situation since making this decision.

[Sony]

I believe that the "so" is forgiveness. Forgive yourself for not being all the things that you think you should be. Forgive all the people in your life that have hurt you. I think that once you let go of those hurts and resentments it opens up the channels so that goodness and prosperity can flow into your life. I am still working on this in my own life.

[Carol]

what's your so? Isn't it that thing that says 'I had a bad day, so I might as well have a drink? ' Or 'its too hard to change, I had a bad childhood, so i might as well carry on being the same as i was yesterday and the day before?'
At least, that is often my 'so'.

i think it ought to be , you only live once, so you might as well make the most of it- but you wouldn't want to let go of that would you?

[Nathaniel]

Letting go of your so, so what? Let go of your so, just for a second and see what happens. A whole world of possibilities if there, if you recognize and deliberately create your existence. Letting go of your so, is saying so what, to your limited programmed mind, and going a step beyond, to your actual thoughts, the ones you create, not the ones that think you. I say so what to limitations due to my circumstances, I can rise above it all, I can and will be all I want to be, and see all I want to see. WIth my eyes that show me the physical moment, so my mind can relate to the broader perspective. So what, let go my so, I so let go, so so so, let go. So what, I am a millionaire(not yet, but I'm putting it out there) I taste it already, my finances running smoothly, and abundantly. I'm so grateful for my life, thats who I really am, I love my life. I say so what, thats my so, I so let go of my so. So let go now, right now. There is so much more, once you let go of your so's, the So's, that limit your humanity to petty bickering, darkness, and unfulfillment. So so what, and let go. Wow. that feels so much better. I let so let go of my frustration, and resentment, its not worth anything but itself. I want something worth more that anything, that is a clear head, and heart, full of love, compassion, gratitude, and abundance. My life is a masterpiece, says me, who is just a tiny part of of this enormous, vast world, but I play a role, I am in line with the universe, we are one, we go into the future suns, with courage, strength, and fearlessness. I am living the life I dream of. I choose this life, theres no decision, just a choice, and I choose happiness, abundance, prosperity, love, and ultimately a wealthy soul. Letting go of your so's can be hard, but as long as you feed yourself good thoughts, with good food, and good vibrations, you and everyone else, can thrive on the possibilities created by the one, who has let go of their so's and, has done, or is doing what I say, which is SO WHAT!

Let go of Me with love.

[Nicky]

Letting go of my so. Whatever it may be it doesnt matter, let it go, so.

[Bev]

What a great article - thank you so much.
For me - letting go of my so.....was letting go of all the anger inside, and forgiving everyone and everything for my perception of the wrong they had done to me. At the same time forgiving myself for all the wrongs that I percieved I had done to others.
I read a wonderful book recently that stated that true forgiveness was when you realised that nothing had been done wrong in the first place - it was all simply a play of energy between one person and another.
What an incredible world we would live in if this were to be the norm.
So my story is how when once I took on board this idea, and sat and wrote a letter of forgiveness and forgiving, I experienced the most profound sense of peace possible. My life transformed - I looked at the world through new lenses, where everything was simply miraculous. Letting go of our so debilitating attitudes can make a world of difference.

[hawk]

I would like to hear more about letting go of your expectations for other people. How did you let go of who your mom was? How did you see this transformation? Please explain this process. I don't think it's only Alzheimers. My husband lives 152 miles away from me with our sons. I live here with our daughter because my husband has a drug habit that is not, for him, a problem. My sons now have the same problem and the same "it's not a problem" attitude. My sons are amazing men to me, but I can't watch this. I also don't want to let go of their family (mom and dad together), but can't watch this happen, so how do I let go of this or how do I let go of who I expect my husband to be so that I can see, again, the amazing man he has become? I mean, we're all amazing in some way, right? And I still love him. So, Michael, please write about this.

[Lisa]

I got this message about letting go of my "so" immediately after learning from Dr. Wayne Dyer to meditate to the sound of creation (AHHHH) every morning, and meditate to the sounds of gratitude (ohmmmmmmm) and peace (shalom) every evening. The single biggest revelation to me is learning to have the enthusiasm, inspiration, and goals - to live in peace, joy, service to others; but at the same time to allow myself to just go with the flow, and to be at peace continually and completely detached from the "results", rather than try to "force, "push", "guarantee", or otherwise influence the universe's path & timetable for manifestation. My "so" is learning to have the aspirations, goals, inspirations, ideas....and fully trusting in divine universal intelligence to determine the process for getting there. I have learned that I have always been and will always be, taking away the pressure to do everything "now". I've learned that my "so" is also probably my ego, which is concerned with "how does it look" if I have debt or dress funny or say something unusual, or ANYTHING, and with gaining approval from others. Letting go of prioritizing the needs of the ego in order to fully enter the spirit world and manifest what completely feeds my soul is my ultimate "SO". Thanks for your consideration - I would love a counseling session, and I love your "gift" videos!

[Richard Smith]

Often I find myself remembering specific events from my childhood to the point that I can actually visualize them as they happened. One of these happened when I was a small boy of 7 and I'm now 56! I can you what happened, where I was standing at the time, the delemma that I faced and the outcome.
I have been told that when we hold onto these events it's because we have unresolved issues with them.
We can't move forward until we solve the "so" in our lives. We can't change the past and the event/s we think about can not reach forward to hurt us again.
Yes, we can repeat history, for surely that is what the past is, just history. But once we can understand what these events represent we can move forward. Many times we continue to make the same mistakes over and over again, and I feel it's because we haven't resolved these incidents from the past.
Thanks,

[RS Mallory]

Hello Dr. Mike,

Ah, the SO! I was married overo 30 years ago in a Synagogue in Ridgewood NJ. The marraige lasted 3 years and even as I was pregnant my then husband left. I raised my son by myself (not ALONE) and then when he went off to University I moved to Austin Tx (13 yrs now). My ex remarried (out of Faith) and continued to "call me" at least twice a year whether I needed it or not, lol! A funny thing happened this year. A few months after my Mothers' death I sought out the Rabbi that had done my marraige all those years ago and asked for his help; you see my ex REFUSED to grant me a GET, a Jewish divorce. Something inside of me realized I could not move forward and attract the right partner until I was spiritually detached. A letter was written to my ex (who was in jail). He called me (from jail) to say he would NOT grant the GET. I heard myself saying, "You say you still love me, and if you do, please RELEASE ME". There it is Dr. Mike! I was the one who was holding on to something dead and gone some 30 years before. I was the one who was HANDING HIM the tool to hurt me & haunt me and he knew it! I immediately contacted the Rabbi and informed him of the results. Because there were other circumstances, the Rabbi arranged a Jewish Annulment for me and thus, after 30 years I learned the most important lesson in my life; I released my SO!We are what we THINK we are and we are what we BELIVE we are.

I too grew up in NJ (Elizabeth) and smiled with recognition and fond memories as you described your Mother's belongings. We can cherish those fond memories; they are part of our cosmic makeup, and we can release the phsyical bounty without dragging it around.

5 years ago I left for Australia to start a new life. By the way, I am a confessed pack rat of the first order :-) Out when the "things", either sold or given away to give others pleasure. I found myself emptying out the curio cabinate with those cherished crepe paper, pipe cleaner flowers made by my little boy decades earlier. Out went the ROCK that lay at my feet when he got his drivers license. Out when the little clay dodads those little fingers made. Suddenly I realized that I had within me all those feelings, dreams, feelings and love. I did NOT need to transport these things half way across the world. My SO was no longer binding me to a past. In fact, I no longer NEEDED to drag my SO with me and once in Australia I realized I needed to return to the States, and did so 6 months later, which I would not have been able to do if I retained my SO!

Your story is such an important lesson for us all. Thank you for sharing it and charging us all to look within ourselves and grow.

I am a Professional Network Marketer. I teach people how to look in to themselves and grow before they can help others :-) Our strengths and goodness are inside of ourselves, IF we allow them to shine, AND we believe. This happens when we let go of THE SO!

RS Mallory
512.472.2604
Compassionate Marketing

[Clare]

I do so love getting your messages! I think I probably have alot of 'so's and wrestle often with trying to be positive in my thoughts, rather than negative.

[Pam]

Letting go has always been difficult. When my father passed away 11 years ago I found every excuse in the book to blame my mother for his unhappiness with their marriage. Little did I know my father was an alcoholic. At that time I knew nothing about addiction other than my father drank, my older brother did drugs, and my youngest sister drank. It wasn't until I had to face addiction with my youngest son did I understand the heartache my mother was feeling. She did her best to keep all these problems a secret. I'm doing whatever it takes to educate anyone around me on addiction and the disease. I had to stop blaming my mother for the past and begin a new type of relationship for the future. While my son is in recovery now, she has shown support and love to him and me. Something her own addicted children cast aside. She sends him cards of encouragement and tells him how proud she is that he is healing. Because addiction affects the whole family it is amazing that she carried this burden by herself. Because we were not educated on the disease we couldn't understand why they were making such bad choices. I have felt bad that I carried resentful feeling around for years. I had my dad up on a pedestal when in fact it should've been my mother. It's funny how things happen in your life, the real eye openers. As my son continues on his road to recovery I have learned to accept the fact that addiction runs in our family, understand what traumatic stress he endured to signel the need to bury past hurt,
I had to stop making excuses for his bad behavior in the past and look forward to a strong healthy relationship with him in the future. And tell him as often as possible how very much he is loved.
So....."letting go of your so" to me means letting go of excuses, look for the blessings in everything you do and what is thrown your way. There is always a lesson you just have to acknowledge it.

[Laura]

So...it's like a question that we need to ask back to ourselves every time we come up with excuses for why we don't make the necessary changes in our lives to be the people we want to be.

I've been engaged to my fiance for a year now. We haven't set a date to get married because I'm afraid that once we tie the knot, he'll change. When anyone brings up the subject, I want to run. I keep finding tons of excuses. I can't tell our friends and family the real reason is that I don't trust him. In my experience men don't stick to their commitments. After 10 years of marriage, my father left my sister and I with our mother and we didn't see him for three years. My first husband threw me out of my house when I disagreed with his newly found religion. I still have things in that house that belong to me that he won't give back. Items from my childhood even. I'm "so" afraid to put myself out there. The fear is almost overwhelming. I know that I need to let go of my fear. I need to say to my fear..."So what now...do I let my fear push away my fiance? The next time that I come up with an excuse for not setting a date...I need to say to myself...So...you're afraid. Deal with the fear and make a decision one way or another.

I'm going to ask myself the hard questions today. Do I love this man enough to commit to wedding date? Can I trust him with my heart?

[Clare]

I do so love getting your messages! I think I probably have alot of 'so's and wrestle often with trying to be positive in my thoughts, rather than negative. I really can see, with the benefit of hindsight, that I've so often focussed on what is WRONG rather than what is RIGHT! I now try to zap my mind into gear if I have negative feelings about whatever, and I do think already its working.

[Clare]

I do so love getting your messages! I think I probably have alot of 'so's and wrestle often with trying to be positive in my thoughts, rather than negative. I really can see, with the benefit of hindsight, that I've so often focussed on what is WRONG rather than what is RIGHT! I now try to zap my mind into gear if I have negative feelings about whatever, and I do think already its working.

[karen seegert]

Good Morning!
After reading todays post I was in tears. I posted a comment yesterday. I KNOW I have to let go but I admit I truly dont know how. Its so in my face and has been for so long but when I try to address any issues I just get panic attacks. I have tried for years from body work to dream journaling, meditation, hypnosis,psychologial therapy.. now I feel like I am losing ground and its making me beyond miserable. I need direction.

[Rebeca]

Let go of the So is a challange in it self because it means you are letting go of something that is been "tattooed" in your consciousness for many years; a conduct, an oppinion, a definition, a feeling of anything and everything...
Letting go is to embrace the change and so very often that is a scary thing. In my case I need to let go of the fear of loosing a job in which I am not happy so that I could venture into the unknown, with no financial support upfront, but with the opportunity to fullfil my soul porppuse. The ilussion of stability for the uncertainty of not knowing what is ahead. Deep down I know, but I do need to "let go of my So"

[Mindy]

Two years ago I made the decision to close down my Interior Design Business and follow my passion - I started a non-profit foundation to work with teen agers in an urban area in New Jersey. However, my husband's business hit some rough spots and now I am in a position where I am bringing in very little money and for the past few months he had been unable to bring in enough to cover the basic bills. I feel so weighed down - I'm working long hours, but the monetary reward is not there yet. I have sent out proposals for grants, that if successful, will allow me to contribute to the household. However, the question is, can we survive until then? I question if I should give up the dream and get a J O B that will at least bring in regular money. I have been reading and watching many things on prosperity - yet it seems to continue to elude me. While we have a nice house with nice furniture etc. I am not so attached to things as to have that get in the way. However, the prospect of losing everything and having to return to my parents house in the midwest is a real fear that I live with! My "So" is letting go of that fear and letting go of the feeling that I have not worked hard enough, that is why I'm not where I want to be! (In actual fact, if I did work harder I would probably have a heart attack!)I need to let go of the self doubt and truly believe in what I am doing - as it is for the greater good! I need to believe that the Universe will provide what is needed to give my program wings and make it fly.

[Sherry]

Letting go of the so - - -is an ongoing process for me. I left an emotional abusive relationship, moved back to Arizona. He kept me dangling for another 12 months! I had always looked for the good in people. I always believed if you lived in a positive manner, others would eventually follow. I learned that isnt always true. As I have pulled myself from the bottom of the self esteem pit, trying to restart my life (after 50 it is much harder) but because i know no one, and was out of my job arena for over 7 years! I have started over from scratch. I left many treasures behind. I sorted, threw out things that associated that life. But I also wrote an amazing book, and daily grow into a more aligned being. Letting go is still difficult, those thoughts that attack daily, grow less as you give them no power. The self confidence grows as i daily tell myself "oh yes i can!" I keep the memories carefully sorted - but like them to visit less often also. I have let go of the negativity that surrounded tha whole time, and again trying often in baby steps to know that i can and will lead by positive example, and living a positive life. Blessings to all in their amazing stories.

[Sharon Iezzi (a.k.a.]

Some of the other writers have already touched on this, SO ... here's my .02 worth:

"So?" is that soft, sometimes difficult to hear, little voice that helps me put things into perspective:

"My husband is negative and unsupportive."

"So?" (Lots of women say this about their husbands. Does he feel the same way about me? What am I going to DO about it?)

"I don't have enough money."

"So?" (Lots of people say they don't have enough money. What am I going to DO about it?)

Whenever I have a complaint or start feeling like a victim, "So" is there to remind me that there's something I need to let go of...and something I need to start doing.

"So" helps me get off the victim couch...and become a person of positive action.

Every piece of emotional baggage
comes with a little "So"
to help me know
when it's time for it to go.

And when it goes, the "So" goes with it.

And I am sooooooo happy when it does.

Yipee!!

Warmly and Positively Yours,

Sharon (Fearless Reader) Iezzi
http://www.fearless-reader.com